Not to say that I was ill-advised prior to arrival at Punchdrunk’s production of Sleep No More, but I really didn’t know what to expect despite minor research. The following would have helped:

1) Wear pockets. We all know not to wear heels, but did you know you have to check your purse?

2) HOLD HANDS!

3) If you don’t have a thing for the duckbill platypus before you go, maybe develop one.

4) The “actors” are indeed actors, but more so dancers. i.e. Mama’s not auditioning. And if you’re looking to really get into the Macbeth plot, pick up a copy of Macbeth…

5) They have a bar. Have someone reserve you a table for after the finale. There’s more absinthe and boozy bands to melt to in a rowdy red room.

6) Just as I was taking a mental note of “bad rumor – no one takes you into a closet!!” I watched the guy next to me get dragged into a closet. Good rumor.

7) Arrival time is a rough suggestion. No need to snarf the uni panini down from El Quinto Pino, they’ll still let u in 15 min late.

8) Your “group card” value is cute, I had a jack. It’s supposed to indicate with whom you leave the bar and head into the hotel. Also a suggestion.

9) The McKittrick Hotel is the old Club Twilo space. The set design was super cool. Make sure you hit the candy room, twig labyrinth, ballroom, bathtubs, and closet where my friend Carrie gave a BJ back in the late 90’s.

10) There will be nudity. I’m not saying who. But Gawker is. Here’s their guide to maximizing the skin exposure.

Pre Game at El Quinto Pino

The Band

Masked Cousin Julie!