Not Vibing Our Compatability

So I went on a date with this guy. We were set up by a mutual friend whom I had hung out with in NYC over NYE.
I was on the master cleanse so we just went for tea at Urth Caffe. He was super cute. He’s on the short side, but look who’s talking (not an issue). He was smart, sweet, and easy to talk to. But, he wasn’t very flirty or playful.
“OK,” I thought to myself, “this is an adult relationship. We sit and talk and get to know each other. We don’t just use sexual energy to connect. Or booze, or music.” (though I do want to connect in those areas too at some point…)
After an hour, he abruptly decided he needed to go back to work.
“Don’t take it personally, Jordan, you’re just sober.” I thought to myself.
“OK,” I said, “But can you drive me home, please? I walked, and I get cold on this liquid lemon shit. Also, FYI, I’m a big drinker, don’t get the wrong idea about me on the cleanse. The next time you see me, I’m going to be loaded,” I (half) joked.
He took me home. Thanks, bye.
I told my friend who set us up that I liked him and I thought it went well. You know, open to getting to know him better.
Well, I may as well have been drunk. I was that wrong.
After taking a few days to decide how to handle my friend request on facebook and email I had sent to follow up on a discussion topic we had over the tea, I get the following facebook message:
Hey Jordan
I got your email but in the flurry of my fire drill day at work i think i deleted it cuz i can’t find it right now
anywho . . . it was good to meet you and break tea. I’m a straight shooter and seeing as this was an evident set up by Mr. XXX I figured I should relay that I’m not really vibing our compatibility . . .
but i love your spunk and a+ go-getter and creative attitude. it was fun to meet you and to share stories. crazy our mary and lisa connections.
I’m sure we will connect again and/or I’ll see you on a screen, big or small, sometime soon.\
best.
XXX

So I wrote back, “Oh, no! Is it because I’m such a drinker?!?!”

React as you will. But I MUCH prefer and appreciate being told upfront that he’s not interested than just being blown off, which most men find an acceptable and desirable course of action. His honesty and maturity is refreshing and kind of classy, no? This may be harsh, but it’s not nearly as rude. Moving on.

Hat-Cat-moe.-B.lou-Ween Bday!

Every year, I try to put together fun events around my birthday to distract myself from paying attention to how old I am.
The run for this year was as follows:
Thursday “day of” girls dinner at Hatfield’s.
Friday dinner at Hungry Cat, then stumble over to Henry Fonda Music Box for the moe. show.
Saturday dinner at Bottega Louie, then cruise over to Ween at the Wiltern.

Dinner at Hatfield’s was great. The space has been occupied by a number of restaurants since I’ve lived in L.A. and I’ve tried them all. It was Citrus (1986-2001), Alex (2001-2004), Meson G (2004-2006), Red Pearl Kitchen (2006-2009), and how Hatfield’s. I had been to Hatfield’s a few times at its original location on Beverly (where Eva is now) but hadn’t been since it moved.
We had a round table for 6 out on the patio. I liked the feel of the main room better, but we were going to squeeze a 7th in for drinks later so the round table was the way to go. Beansie scored a cocktail at the bar while we were waiting to be seated. To me, it was too mild, sweet, and weak. But I’m very much an “in your face” cocktail girl. Less sugar, more ginger, less watery, more booze, please! I decided to stick to the wine list.
I capped our selection at $60 which was pretty limiting, but gave us a few options.
We went with a Malbec first. Home Fry had never met a Malbec she didn’t like. I didn’t like this one. It was sour, high acid, pretty foul. The sommelier insisted on taking it back and we went with a Pinot Noir. It was drinkable. We tried a Syrah for the second bottle and that one was fine too, but neither one had me running to purchase for my house.
Here’s what we ate, ordered from favorite to least favorite:
“Croque Madame” Yellowtail sashimi, prosciutto, sunny side up quail egg, grilled brioche – My favorite dish. Never disappoints.
Chilled Poached Main Scallop with bulgur salad, horseradish creme fraiche, muddled citrus – Small portion but great flavors.
Slow Cooked Beef Short Rib with blue lake beans, braised radish, horseradish potato puree – The short ribs were in slices instead of the usual braised and falling off the bone, but still delicious.
Date & Mint Crusted Lamb with roasted heirloom root vegetables, fresh chick peas, potato chive puree – All great flavors.
Warm Creamy Crab Buckwheat Crepe with pickled beets, marinated radish, fine herbs – A little too creamy, but still done well.
Charred Octopus with caramelized fennel, saffron vanilla braised hearts of palm, red wine olive puree – I wanted to love this dish, like as much as Laney did, but I thought it was a little bland. I tasted none of the saffron or vanilla on the hearts of palm (I barely tasted any hearts of palm in the hearts of palm…)
Potato & Egg Yolk Filled Raviolo with creamy goat cheese, roasted baby beets, sherry vinegar emulsion – One big raviolo in a beet heavy sauce. Pretty good.
Brown Butter Roasted Cauliflower with sauteed plantains, roasted almonds, golden raisins, parsley root puree – Not bad if you’re a raisin person.
Kabocha Squash Agnolotti with roasted chiodini mushrooms, pork confit, maple brown butter broth – This was the least memorable to me.
Our lactard was told to pick a protein and they’d make it for her with no dairy. She got salmon and it was fantastic.
Sugar & Spice Beignets with chocolate fondue and a Mexican chocolate milkshake shot – Their signature dessert. The milkshake rocked.
Chocolate Caramel Semifreddo with salted peanut crunch and bitter chocolate sorbet – Didn’t suck.
Great meal, great friends. Good attention to detail, though I wasn’t WOW’ed by as many dishes as I’d expected.

Team Hatfield's Valet

The Hungry Cat was the second set of the run.
I picked it because a) it’s rad and b) it’s super close to the Fonda. But they wouldn’t take a table bigger than 8 ppl for a reservation. So I took matters into my own hands and had three friends each get a table for 4 ppl on Open Table and then put in the notes that we wanted to sit together. Worked like a charm!

We arrive at The Hungry Cat!

Here’s what we had:
Cocktails –
The Sleepy Jean (cue The Monkees) – chamomile-infused reposado tequila, honey water, dash of dolin dry vermouth – awesome!
Luke’s Lemonade – blue ice vodka & mint, house-made lemonade *for every Luke’s Lemonade sold a donation is made to Alex’s Lemonade Stand- love the charity portion, but it was a little sugary for me.
The Michelada – Tecate, lime, hot sauce (w/ or w/o grapefruit) Nirvana! I will dream about this cocktail

The Michelada

OYSTERS! – the cherry on top to any bday

Just stick a candle in the ice bed, please!

Crab Salad – would have loved it if it actually didn’t have cilantro in it.
Octopus – Yum

Salmon Beignets – Delish

Crab Legs – Super sweet (this was the right place for sweetness!) and meaty!

Scallops – One of my faves

Striped Bass – the picture didn’t come out, but this was the best dish.

The pouty face I made when I was told we couldn’t get the Pumpkin Beignets with bacon maple sauce for dessert (because it was only on the DineLA week menu) worked as we were presented with a plate of it with a big candle shortly after. Totally worth whatever dignity I lost in the process. They were unbelievable.

The Meyer Lemon Parfait was bad-ass too.

Team Hungry Cat

On to moe. at the Music Box at the Henry Fonda, next on the agenda. Thankfully I had my pregnant friend Amy with me. We were able to cut the line that wrapped around the corner and enter through the handicapped entrance! The show was a slight bust. I love the fonda and I love moe. but this show wasn’t my fave. It was a little sleepy and spacey. The downstairs was a mess. I didn’t meet up with half of my friends. BUT, I worked us getting two tickets for the upstairs balcony (Baby Stouffer – whom I affectionately call Efferifus – gets MVP of the evening) and was able to stub my six ppl up there with us. So we had a nice seated row of the “adult section” and were able to chill. Not a rager, but it all worked out in the end.

Here’s the setlist:
Set 1: Jazzwank > Plane Crash, Where Does The Time Go? > Yodelittle > Skrunk > Yodelittle, Seat Of My Pants
Set 2: Opium > Downward Facing Dog, Chromatic Nightmare, Y.O.Y. > Puebla > Tubing The River Styx > The Pit > Moth, E: New York City, Crab Eyes

Amy, Jord, and Efferifus in the "adult section" upstairs

Bottega Louie was insanity. Happy, stimulating, insanity. Not only was there a line for a table, there was a line to put your name down for the list for a table. The waiters were super sweet, the food was great, they were hassle free for a large party, and downtown is really convenient for a Wiltern show.

Team Bottega Louie

Here’s what we got:
Caprese Salad – good, the tomatoes were peeled, I liked it.
Burrata Pizza – how could that be bad?
Clam Pizza – not bad, but wasn’t expecting sweet roasted peppers in the mix.
Pappardelle – with mushroom and fois gras duxelle- best dish by far
Fettuccini Belmundo – with cherry tomatoes, garlic, olive oil, and Parmesan – good
Trenne – with braised rib eye and kale – wanted to like it better.
Brussles Sprouts – I love them always, but these were a little salty.
Meatballs Marinara – Mmmmmm.
Portobello Fries – Good, but would have liked a lighter batter.
Grilled Squid and Chorizo Ravioli – the ravioli was good but could have had a richer sauce.
Diver Scallops – wrapped the Prosciutto with lentils and salsa verde – awesome.
Dessert: Le Grand Macaron – I was stuffed, I didn’t try it, but everyone else was happy with it.

Wine:
Nebbiolo Malvira Langhe Piemonte 2006 – was a little light and boring, but drinkable.
The Prisoner – Orin Swift Napa 2008 – makes me cry with every sip. I want a case every time.

Ween at the Wiltern was killer. Shamefully, I can’t quite remember if I’ve been to a Ween show before. I think I have. But this is the one I’ll remember. My friends had a pit wristband waiting for me when I got there and the crowd was rocking.
When I said I wouldn’t be upset if dinner ran into overtime and we were late for the show, it never occurred to me that they’d play Spirit of ’76 in the lost beginning. But the entire show kicked ass so I almost didn’t notice I had missed it. We apparently arrived while it was playing but someone had to chat in the lobby for a few minutes and take a picture…

Here’s the setlist for Ween at the Wiltern Saturday January 29, 2011:
1. “Exactly Where I’m At”
2. “Don’t Get 2 Close (2 My Fantasy”)
3. “Touch My Tooter”
4. “Even If You Don’t”
5. “Freedom of ’76”
6. “Spring Theme” (“Transdermal Celebration”)
7. “Bananas and Blow”
8. “Spinal Meningitis”
9. “Mister, Would You Please Help My Pony?” “Learnin’ to Love”
10. “With My Own Bare Hands”
11. “The Argus”
12. “Gabrielle”
13. “Puerto Rican Power”
14. “I’ll Be Your Johnny On the Spot”
15. “Object”
16. “Did You See Me?”
17. “Buckingham Green”
18. “Your Party”
19. “Let’s Dance” (David Bowie cover)
20. “Slow Down Boy”
21. “Ace of Spades” (Motörhead cover)
22. “Push th’ Little Daisies”
23. “What Deaner Was Takin’ About
24. “Roses Are Free”
25. “Put the Coke On My Dick”
26. “Ocean Man”
27. “The Mollusk”

Encore:
28. “Fiesta”
29. “Take Me Away”
30. “Mr. Richard Smoker”
31. “Lucky Man” (Emerson, Lake and Palmer cover)

Boogie in the Back!

Thanks so much to all of my awesome friends who helped me celebrate in such style this weekend! Your turns are next!
oxoxo

Part of Team Ween

The true closer of the weekend was TV recovery day Sunday. The ProBowl -> SAG awards on delay. Ryan made us dinner and I swooned over my latest Spanish wine discovery, Juan Gil 2008. It’s 100% Monastrell and there’s a little recovery packed in every sip.
Sunday Monastrell and Couch Recovery

Ex Latke

I’m a latke girl. Fried potato mixture adorned with any numerous divine trimmings is worth 8 days of presents to me.
So I always try to come up with fun flavors.

Last year, in NYC we had mushroom, triple onion, zucchini/carrot, and goat cheese. This year I made sweet potato/beet, bacon/leek, spinach/ricotta, and butternut squash/cinnamon.

Dear God, the bacon leek latkes were a hit. Just sayin. – JZ

My Hannukah party also happened to coincide with my ex’s (from last year) episode of Millionaire Matchmaker airing on Bravo. So it turned into latke, wine, and screening party. It was a pretty brutal episode. Most people realize that reality TV is still TV, and hence is manipulated to not really be reality. But the poor guy really got a beating. I feel bad.

Here are the recipes for the latkes:

Sweet Potato and Beet Latkes

Sweet Potato Beet Latkes


Ingredients:
3 sweet potatoes (They’re light in color – the orange guys are the yams. Both look like turds to me though. You can’t even take me to the market.)
3 small beets
1 yellow onion
1 c flour
3 eggs
oil
salt
pepper
ice on hand for oil splatter burns (latke making is not for the meek)
Procedure:
Peel the potatoes and the beets. After they’re peeled you can put them in a bowl with water to prevent color change. Shred the potatoes and the beets. Using a Cuisinart is not cheating. I’ve done both ways to humor myself. Cuisinart wins. Throw grated sweet potatoes and beets in a colander. Grate the onion. Add it to the colander. Sprinkle with a ton of salt. Seriously, at least a T, potatoes need salt. Grind some pepper and let it drain for a bit. Whisk the eggs. Squeeze out excess moisture and transfer to a big bowl. Add the eggs and flour and mix everything with your hands until well combined. Pour some oil (I usually use canola) in a fry pan and heat it to high. Spoon a little of the latke batter into the pan and press down with a spatula to form a little pancake. Depending on the size of your pan and the size of your pancakes you can make 2 – 6 at a time. When the under side is starting to brown, flip them over and cook the other side. Transfer to a paper towel lined plate to drain. Serve with plain yogurt or apple sauce. Fine, serve with sour cream too. (These ARE the veggie ones though, just sayin.)

Bacon and Leek Latkes

BACON leek latkes


Ingredients:
4 lbs. potatoes (I use golden russet)
2 lbs. bacon
2 leeks, finely chopped, rinsed and drained
1 yellow onion
½ c chives, finely chopped
1 c flour
3 eggs
oil
salt
pepper
ice on hand for oil splatter burns (latke making is serious business)
Procedure:
Place the bacon strips on a foil lined tray and put in a 425 degree oven for 15 minutes until crispy. Remove from oven, transfer to a paper towel lined plate and crumble. Set aside.
Peel the potatoes. After they’re peeled you can put them in a bowl with water to prevent color change. Shred the potatoes and the onion. Again, using a Cuisinart is not cheating. I’ve done both ways to humor myself. (That’s what she said.) Cuisinart wins. Throw grated potatoes and onions in a colander. Sprinkle with a ton of salt. I don’t measure because I don’t want to know how much I’m using. Ignorance is bliss in this case… Grind some pepper and let it drain for a bit. Whisk the eggs. Squeeze out excess moisture and transfer to a big bowl. Add the bacon, leeks, chives, eggs and flour and mix everything with your hands until well combined. Pour some oil (I usually use canola) in a fry pan and heat it to high. Spoon a little of the latke batter into the pan and press down with a spatula to form a little pancake. Depending on the size of your pan and the size of your pancakes you can make 2 – 6 at a time. When the under side is starting to brown, flip them over and cook the other side. Transfer to a paper towel lined plate to drain. Serve with sour cream. Brag about your bacon latkes.

Spinach Ricotta Latkes

The Spinach Ricotta was the crowd fave


Ingredients:
3 lbs. potatoes (I use golden russet)
1 lb. box of baby spinach, finely chopped
1 8 oz. container of ricotta cheese, drained
1 yellow onion
½ c chives, finely chopped
1 c flour
3 eggs
oil
salt
pepper
ice on hand for oil splatter burns (latke making aint no joke)
Procedure:
Peel the potatoes. After they’re peeled you can put them in a bowl with water to prevent color change. Shred the potatoes and the onion. Do everyone a favor and just use a Cuisinart. Throw grated potatoes and onions in a colander. Sprinkle with a ton of salt. Don’t pay attention to the massive amount you used. Grind some pepper and let it drain for a bit. Whisk the eggs. Squeeze out excess moisture and transfer to a big bowl. Add the spinach, ricotta, eggs and flour and mix everything with your hands until well combined. Pour some oil (I usually use canola) in a fry pan and heat it to high. Spoon a little of the latke batter into the pan and press down with a spatula to form a little pancake. Depending on the size of your pan and the size of your pancakes you can make 2 – 6 at a time. When the under side is starting to brown, flip them over and cook the other side. Transfer to a paper towel lined plate to drain. Serve with any topping that makes you happy.

Butternut Squash Latkes

Butternut Squash Latkes


Ingredients:
2 lbs. potatoes (I use golden russet)
1 butternut squash, peeled and seeded
1 T cinnamon
1 yellow onion
½ c tarragon, finely chopped
1 c flour
3 eggs
oil
salt
pepper
ice on hand for oil splatter burns (latke making at your own risk)
Procedure:
Peel the potatoes. After they’re peeled you can put them in a bowl with water to prevent color change. Shred the potatoes, squash, and the onion. Fine, you’re hard core, use a hand grater. But if you use a Cuisinart, don’t look to me to call you lazy. I try to use equal parts potato/squash. Depending on the size of the squash you may not use all of either one. Throw grated potatoes, squash and onions in a colander. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Use your own judgment on seasoning. Whisk the eggs. Squeeze out excess moisture and transfer to a big bowl. Add the cinnamon, tarragon, eggs and flour and mix everything with your hands until well combined. Pour some oil (I usually use canola) in a fry pan and heat it to high. Spoon a little of the latke batter into the pan and press down with a spatula to form a little pancake. Depending on the size of your pan and the size of your pancakes you can make 2 – 6 at a time. When the under side is starting to brown, flip them over and cook the other side. Transfer to a paper towel lined plate to drain. Serve with chocolate sauce. Kidding. Use what you like.

Lazy Ox Down and Dirty

I had an awesome girls dinner at Lazy Ox. Here are some snippets from the evening:
Lizelette: Have you been to Rivera?
Jordan: Yes, it was amazing. I went there on a Jdate.
Alex: Which one?
Jordan: The one where I was a dirty little whore.
Sarah, who was either half listening or just distracted by how good our Siduri Pinot was, heard only part of that.
Sarah: I need to add “Dirty Little Whore” to my list of places to go!
Jordan: No, lovey, the place is Rivera, I’m the dirty little whore!
P.S. Thank you to Alex and Lizelette for pretending to see that as a specific Jdate identifier.

Here’s what we had:
Bellwether Farms Ricotta Fritters with saffron honey – to appease the waiting from the kitchen, nice touch, our table wasn’t that late.
Dashi Marinated Yellowtail with avocado, hash brown & tonburi – this was the best
Lengua Ravioli – second favorite
Bone Marrow Special with lentils – amazeballs
Lamb Neck Hash with toasted quinoa & fried jidori egg
Beef Cheeks – yum
Heirloom Tomatoes with cheese, torn basil & corn pudding
Beet Salad
Rice Pudding
Temporary Insanity Tempranillo
Great meal, can’t wait to go back!

Lizelette, Alex, Jordan, and Sarah at Lazy Ox Canteen

The Story of Mr. Weemit

Since the TV fall premieres are taking over my social life, I’m adding a post from the past.
Here’s a story I had sent my girlfriends this past March.

Friday night I wound up at Brooklyn Bowl for the Derek/Susan Bowlive sit-in.
As one would expect, mama was accompanied by an icy cold glass of tequila rocks.
I rested said glass on a case of bowling balls, only to turn around two seconds later to find a gentleman sitting right where the beloved tequila had been residing.
“Excuse me, I think you’re sitting on my tequila,” said I.
The gentleman stood up, revealing my toppled, spilled glass wedged in the crack against the cushy lane seats.
“Let me replace that for you,” said the dark gentleman.
“No,” said I, quickly grabbing the glass and throwing the dripping remains down my throat, “That’s OK, I’m already drunk enough.”
“Well, then let me replace it for you another time,” pleaded the gentleman.

Apparently I gave him my number because he called me the next day. Not recognizing the number, I let the call go to voicemail.
We spoke on Sunday and made plans for Monday evening to go see The Allman Bros at The United Palace Theatre. He called himself Robert.

Sunday evening I was out having a few glasses of the brown stuff (after all, it was rainy) with my friend Tiffany. Surveying the circumstances of my next evening activity, dear Tiff inquired, “What’s this Robert’s last name?”
“An excellent question!” I retorted, “I couldn’t make out what he said on my machine, (a term I still use to refer to my voicemail). Here, you listen and tell me what you think he’s saying.”
I played back his message and handed her the phone.
“HA!” she said, “He didn’t say his last name, Jordan! He said, ‘Hi, it’s Robert, WE MET at the Brooklyn Bowl last night.’!!!”
So from here on out, we will be calling him Mr. Robert Weemit. Admittedly, my vision is far superior to my hearing.

The date was OK. He’s attractive (but I didn’t find myself resisting urge to rip off his clothes, or even throw him against the wall and kiss him like he’d never been kissed before), generous (those Allman tix don’t grow on trees), polite (but almost too much, I felt like I shouldn’t be cursing around him… which is limiting as certain colored words in my vocabulary make for such excellent emphasis), smart (he programs digital mapping, like google maps, but for the police dept.), and likes music (this helps). However, there was no spark, and the conversation was so canned, I felt like he had recently read an article in guy cosmo on “what to say on a date.” He kept hounding me with questions, firing them off one after the other before I’d even had the chance to finish the first one, and without having any of my responses lead to further discussion or sharing his answer to the topic.
I think the poor guy thought he had scored first row tix (they were avail that day actually) as he wanted our seats to be a surprise, and then hesitated a little when he saw the first 15 rows were double letters. We were in row A. “Row A!” I exclaimed, “This is the best sound in the house! Look, we’re dead center and right next to the soundboard!”
The Allmans rocked it. Mama got her “The Weight” (that Warren sure can sing ANYTHING!!), “Jessica” (best driving song evs), and “You Don’t Love Me” (in my top five for sure!)
After the show, we tumbled out onto 175th St and headed to the subway (passing the Jesus Deli, Jesus Hardware, Jesus Bar, and We love Jesus Rite-Aid.)
I gave him a peck on the cheek and thanked him as the A train rolled into the 96th st. stop before darting out to catch a cab across the park. He was continuing on to Penn Station to catch LIRR to Mineola, the Nassau county seat.
I also sent him a thank you text later that week after the Bijou* craziness had subsided a bit. (*My dog had died suddenly the next day.)

Since then I’ve gotten random “Hi, Jordan, how are you?” texts. But predictably, none of my responses have triggered anything more than small talk (if it could even qualify as that…).

And that brings us current with the story of Mr. Weemit.

Muah,
Moi

Discussing Mr. Weemit at Girls Night at Salt

Herbie Hancock 70th Birthday Celebration at the Hollywood Bowl 9/1/10

Tonight was Herbie Hancock‘s 70th bday. Minutes before hearing this news I had turned to Beansie and said, “Man, Herbie’s looking good!”
“How old is he?” asked Beansie.
“I don’t know, but he’s basically looked the same for the past thirty years.”
“I want a sip of whatever water he’s drinking!” soon became my facebook status.
The show was great. His first set was more acoustic, straight up jazz, with an all-star line-up: Wayne Shorter on sax, Terence Blanchard on trumpet, Esperanza Spalding on bass, and Jack DeJohnette on drums. (And Nathan East on bass for a hot minute).
The second set was his funkier, electric stuff mixed with “The Imagine Project” (Band members: Vinnie Colaiuta – drums, Lionel Loueke – guitar, Pino Palladino – bass, Greg Phillinganes – vocals/keys, and Kristina Train – vocals).
Kristina Train, (aka “Chihuahua Hands” because it looked like she was petting a small dog with her left while she sung… distracting, but if you looked elsewhere she sounded pretty good. Just grab the mic with your left, K. Train!), belted through renditions of John Lennon’s Imagine, Peter Gabriel’s Don’t Give Up (which I sang all the way home), and Bob Dylan’s Times Are a Changin (with Lisa Hannigan on vocals – sounds Irish, looks Asian).
Other guests included India.Arie on vocals for “Imagine,”
Zakir Hussain on tabla and Niladri Kumar on sitar on “The Song Goes On,” (apparently with a pre-recorded vocal track by K.S. Chithra. We were wondering who else was singing…),
Juanes on vocals for “La Tierra” (Laney’s dad’s favorite Columbian),
Susan Tedeschi on vocals (can we say “girl crush”!?!?) and Derek Trucks on slide guitar on “Space Captain.”
And little Paulinho da Costa on percussion trading licks with Herbie during “Watermelon Man” (my mother’s personal fave of Herbie’s). He’s adorable. We must rival each other in height. Though the perspective up in our section is skewed. “Please tell me that’s a child,” I asked of the center dancer in the Debbie Allen Dance Academy “Tatamant/Tilay/Exodus” number. (Yes, yes it is, Jordan.)
The dirtiest piece was the second song of the second set (right after “Imagine”) but for the life of me I can’t get a song title. What good am I?

Now, three out of four times at the Bowl this summer I wound up in hysterics (and the show that didn’t get me was the night before I woke up with a man-down for four days cold). None of them are P.C.; I’m a terrible person.
At the BBKing/Buddy Guy show there was an African American lady, drunken stuporly screaming her conversation through out the show. At one point she turned around and yelled, “Anyone want some BLACK EYED PEAS?!?!” I lost it.
At the Nevilles, I commented Aaron’s chorizo on his forehead and Laners nearly choked on her own oxygen.
Tonight, we wanted to commemorate the final Jazz Wednesday Bowl evening with a group shot and Laners picked the only breathing man in the city who has never operated a camera to take on the task. He tried taking the picture twice, FAIL on both. We found another girl to try; she turned to him and said, “Ya, you’re holding the camera upside-down, dude.” I have little self-control when it comes to the giggles. Laughed right in his face.
(Similar to the time I took a pic for the lovely gay couple coming out of Alice Water’s Chez Pannise in Berkeley and we went to look to see how it came out, and one of the guys accidentally pressed “back,” and up pops a fully frontal, FULLY nude, sprawled out on the bed, picture of him. DIED! Embarrassed Showmance Will.)

Thank you Hollywood Bowl for our Summer Wednesdays!!!

Herbie Hancock's Seven Decades Bday Celebration at the Hollywood Bowl

Blind Date Text

This isn’t exactly food, booze, or music related, but it’s too good not to post. I also realize that I’ll probably have more dating scenarios to share so I’ve decided to extend Cocktails into Cock Tales and include men in that category. We’ll also give it to music since I mention a few shows on my calendar.

Here’s the premise. This guy Dave called me to go out on a blind date. He couldn’t even properly identify himself when he called.

“Hi Jordan, I’m Dave, Esther’s cousin. She gave me your number to set us up.”

“Oh, OK,” I said, (My mother often mentions giving my number to some people who “might have a guy for me” so this type of call is never completely unexpected.) “Esther who?”

“Um, I don’t know her maiden name but her married name is ___ .” (something I had never heard of…)

“OK, well there’s my mother’s friend, Esther Goodman?”

“No”

“There’s my friend here in LA who just got married, Esther Weinberg?”

“No.”

“Well those are the only Esthers I know, unless it’s my dead Grandma Esther?  Or are you from Purim?!?!”

“No, I’ll find out from her, in the meantime, do you want to grab a drink when you’re in NYC?”

So I generously agreed to an earlyish drink on the Friday I get to town. We would firm up plans closer to the date. Now, when I’m being set up, I am happy to meet with anyone you’re suggesting… but for a drink, or a coffee, or something quick. You don’t get my entire evening unless I’ve already met you. That’s how these blind set ups work!

The following is a word for word transcription of our text message exchange that started the night before we were supposed to meet. For the first time!! (I think I dodged a bullet.)

Hi Jordan,
It’s David Rosenschweig (Esther Elmer’s* cousin) we spoke on the phone a few wks ago. Are we on 4 2mrrow nite as per our conversation assuming ur in town?
(* turns out said Esther was a year ahead of me in high school, hadn’t spoken to her since. Her brother is my year and my mother knew their mother and recently ran into her in the city.)

Yes.  Do you want to meet at bar jamon at 7pm? 17th and Irving.

Sure. Jamon is fine, can u do 08:00pm? Looking fwd to meeting you

I’m going to see God Street Wine at Irving at 8.

Ok, How about we make it for Sat. Nite?

I’m busy sat night but could get coffee sat afternoon. Noonish.

Saturday I’m busy till late afternoon.
How long are you in town for?

10 days.
What time do u get out of work? I can do Monday before 8pm.

Great, would you like to meet grab a drink any evening except Tues.(I’ve got class/wrkshop) when you won’t be “double booked” or have a nxt appt. An hour?

What time do u get out of work? I can do Monday before 8pm.

I won’t know depends on how the day goes each appt. Is different some days 6, 7pm plus by the time I walk my dog 07:00 is not realistic.

How about a coffee during lunch one day?
Or on Monday u are welcome to meet me at city winery at 8pm. Seeing calexico.

Jordan, I’d like to meet u, & am willing to meet u any evening excpt one(Tues.nite) despite that u double booked our date set 3-4 wks ago. Let me kw.

I didn’t double book our date. I was planning to meet you tonight at 7. Don’t think meeting up is going to work. Sorry.

And u communicated that you’d have 1hr 7pm-8pm to meet when? I get that ur time’s limited. Don’t make up ur own version of events its silly. Good luck to you.

Please don’t contact me again. Tx.

Plse never contact me again.

— Last names have been altered for privacy purposes